Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
