She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
