I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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