You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
