I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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