One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
