using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
