some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize