The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
