there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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