White coat. Heels.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
