The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
