I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
