hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
