Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
third nipple confirmed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
