...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
