Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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