I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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