Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
