I wanna passion pit in your ass
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize