I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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