He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
