K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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