broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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