one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
even my farts smell like vagina
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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