he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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