Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God, I missed his penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
