She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
