Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
