literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
