The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
