Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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