i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize