sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize