I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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