Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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