let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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