He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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