i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
