so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
