It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
