The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize