Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
