I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
