i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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