Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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