Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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