new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
