I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize