he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
