I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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