she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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