Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
