God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
