Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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