kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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