You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
