We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize