i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
