I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
