Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
