oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
