glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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