You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
