i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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