did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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