at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
