Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
