So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
