how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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