I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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