I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
