I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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