Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
